While we head into summer break with our children and teens out of school for at least two months, it means their independence and desire to be out with their friends is only going to increase.
As parents, one of our greatest desires is that our children behave politely, respectfully, and kindly outside of the house. Thus, their response to others in society and how they treat them is going to fall on the independent decisions they make.
Planting the Roots of Manners
As parents, we plant the roots of manners for our children and they gain the wings to fly with so many opportunities to practice. Parents—start implementing now. We are living in a world where our children have access to anything all the time and whenever they want. Consequently, what has been lost is the necessity of asking and instead they are telling.
Moreover, when they are asking, they ask for 10 times as much as they need and it is too easy to give in to their requests. Consequently, many children out there are letting go of basic manners and instead expecting all of their needs to be met, lending itself to a very selfish world.
Manners start in the home and right now
When they step outside your front door, ensure they know the recipe for gratitude, kindness, respect, and care for others before themselves. Every single night review five different manners with your children and adolescents; five manners and five incidents where they practiced the use of these manners.
Before they go out with their friends, ask them which manners they will use (e.g., eating with cutlery instead of using their hands, holding the doors for others, giving up their seats on the bus for an elderly person or someone who needs it more than them, always saying please and thank you, even if it is redundant, and helping others who may need it). There are many examples but start there.
Debriefing After Outings
When they come from wherever they were, have them share which manners they practiced with their friends or on their own. The constant conversation will help ingrain the concept in their minds and know they will be accountable. The ideal is, as parents you can get to the point where you need not remind them to implement, but more so they start following through automatically.
Why It Matters
If we cannot teach our children to practice manners and gratitude, what hope does that give us for the forthcoming generation of leaders? Remind them they are representing your family, themselves, and oftentimes something greater than both (e.g., a school, a team, a community) and they can lead by example this summer.
Remind your children that with desired independence, comes even greater responsibility, ensure they learn it to earn it.
Dr. Jay M. Greenfeld, PH.D., C.Psych is a partner at Mind Matter Clinic in Winnipeg. Jay has a broad background working with individuals of all ages, from children to adults, specializing in Individual therapy, psychological testing, including psycho-educational assessments for Learning Disorders, ADHD, and other learning challenges. He also helps families and parents navigate both home and external challenges to support children’s success and well-being. Outside of clinical work, Jay is a dad to 4 fantastic and active kids who like keeping busy outdoors all year long!
